Friday, 18 November 2011

That's what I'm trying to find out

All S's agitation now centres around a group of people (who she thinks are present) led by the infamous Mr Diamond (names have been changed!) a dentist she used to swear by until he somehow offended her. S often talks about herself in the third person and there are numerous variations on: 'All she wanted was ............ but she wasn't allowed to. Oh no!' I said to her recently 'Who's stopping you?' The answer says it all: 'That's what I'm trying to find out.'

Somewhere inside there's a rational person trying to make sense of it - just like I am, in fact.

I can see that it stems from her having to have things done to her and for her. And who wouldn't resent that? From time to time, she's asked me let her try and do things again, e.g. make coffee, wash herself in the bath. It's never successful, though I try to be positive. Even yesterday, during a good spell, she was talking about this.

But of course it makes no sense either to the so-called world experts, though they won't admit it. Nobody really understands the causes. No-one can explain why the brains of some who have suffered severely look relatively normal post mortem and why others whose brains show 'all the signs' of the condition have not had dementia symptoms. So can we even really say they know what the signs are?

When S first started experiencing delusions she would often be talking to people who were 'helping' or 'trying to help' her. Now, from what she says, these people seem to be letting her down - just like the prof, the doctors...and me.

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